Sins of Regret
by DarkLadyXandra
Summary: This is a very minor spin off of my main story Vhenan'ara. It involves the same characters, in the same world. Alistair learns a painful lesson about how his actions affect others. And we learn something more about the woman who has chosen to defend him against all odds. Full summary inside! This pure Alistair and **spoiler** fluff, with a tiny bit of smut thrown in. Please read!


Dragon Age: Origins is owned by Bioware, as with all its characters, the story as it deviates from canon is mine however, as with the personalities of characters as they deviate from those in the game.

Alistair learns a painful lesson about how his actions affect others. And we learn something more about the woman who has chosen to defend him against all odds.

This is a very minor spin off of my main story Vhenan'ara. It involves the same characters, in the same world. There will be others in the future, only being a chapter or two each.

Just as Vhenan'ara primarily surrounds Riel and Zevran, so too these snippets will primarily revolve around Alistair and *spoiler*. These really aren't a separate story in and of themselves, just an added dimension and inside look into two other important characters within my headcanon universe.

So PLEASE! Don't read this before reading the rest of the story leading up to this point. Because this and other similar short snippets I will be posting WILL contain spoilers if you are not up to date with the listed chapter reference!

This particular short takes place almost immediately after the events at the secluded stream in chapter 63.

Thank you guys so very much and I hope you guys enjoy! And please, I would appreciate any reviews! Reading all of your responses is a true joy for me!

 **Translations:**

 **Shemlen: Elvhen. Literally "quick children". The original name of the Elves for the human race. Often used in a derogatory sense.**

* * *

Alistair watched in silence as Zevran led Riel away from the carnage at the stream. His thoughts were a raging cascade of questions, raw emotions, and foul curse words. The curse words were mostly aimed at himself, however.

"I can't believe you said that to her!"

Alistair closed his eyes tightly and placed his forehead in the cup of his palm. "I know! I know, okay!" he groaned angrily. Alistair then turned to face Leliana who stood several feet away, her arms crossed over her chest and her own foul look of disbelief mixed with anger on her face. "Everything bad you want to say to me, I'm already saying it to myself! I'm an idiot! A fool! A complete, sodding arsehole! I'm all these things and more! I know!"

"If you know, then why, Alistair? How could you say such things to her? Couldn't you see how hurt she was?"

"Argh!" Alistair exclaimed as he took his sword and impaled an already dead hurlock through the chest that was lying nearby. Again Alistair stabbed the Darkspawn, screaming out his frustrations with every blow until the creature was practically sawed in half at the chest.

"Alistair! Alistair!" Leliana shouted at him as she watched in horror as he repeatedly attacked the dead Darkspawn. "I think it's dead already!" Leliana grabbed him by his arm and pulled, turning him to face her. "It's dead..." she said again, this time quieter than the first.

"I…" Alistair breathed, his chest rising sharply with each deep intake of air. "I… think I need to be alone for awhile…" he finally muttered in a low, controlled tone. Alistair then turned away from Leliana and briskly walked towards the thick forest that surrounded the stream.

Still standing by the edge of the rushing water, Leliana watched as the ancient trees and overgrown plant life seemed to swallow Alistair as he walked away. Confused, angry, and even hurt, Leliana was lost as to what she should do. One thing was clear though… Underneath the sweetness and awkward jokes, was a man who held a lot of anger inside of him. Anger that was turning into a poison, infecting everything around him. And like all poisons, it would eventually end up killing him if it was not tended to.

Good thing she was rogue who had dabbled in poisons in her younger years, then… And that she was as stubborn as a mabari when it came to those she cared for.

"You're not getting away that easily, Alistair…" she whispered to herself. Counting quietly to herself, she would give the foolish ex-Templar a decent head start. Then she would silently follow after him, waiting for the perfect time to strike. Not to kill him. Not even to hurt him. Well, not that _much_. No, Leliana was planning something far more difficult. More devious. And much more dangerous.

Now if only it worked…

* * *

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

* * *

Even with the ample shade given by the towering trees, the heat of the midday sun was enough to give even the lightly clothed a shine of sweat on their brow. To Alistair in his heavy platemail, it was damn near murderous. Even after months of wearing armor and travelling long distances in all sorts of weather, there were limits on how much the body could get accustomed to. And while in colder weather, the metal of his armor would sting and bite at exposed flesh, Alistair still much prefered that to the sweltering heat he was now quite literally cooking in.

"Blast it all!" he cursed as he leaned against the fallen remains of an old and weather worn tree.

His anger and frustration had fueled his blind wandering for some distance, and now as he looked around at his surrounding, Alistair found himself unsure of where he even was. Which was well suited, he guessed, seeing as his mind seemed as lost as his body now was. Only instead of lost inside of an ancient forest that stretched on for miles in every direction, his mind was lost inside of itself. Consumed by a whirlwind of emotions that were both dangerous and foreign.

Ever since he was a child, Alistair had struggled with his anger. His feeling of abandonment by his family, coupled with the anger and resentment he had felt during his youth inside of the Chantry had built inside of him until he was on the verge of completely losing himself to it. Humor had been his one outlet for years. To deflect his resentment and bitterness at not just those who mistreated him, but also at himself.

However now… Now it seemed as if even the slightest thing could set him off into a rage. Whether it was the perpetual disrespect the others of the group showed to him, or his own foolish words that would land him in trouble with others… It seemed as if he was destined to find his end in a battle of his own making.

"If I don't die from all this blasted heat, that is!" Alistair cursed frustratedly as he stared down at his armor. His anger and frustration grew until he was all but tearing at his heavy armor, starting first with his gauntlets then to his chest piece and finally to his plated greaves. Even his heavy boots were tossed aside in his self directed fury.

Piece by piece, Alistair removed every heavy pound of armor from his body until all that was left covering him was the thin tunic and trousers that he wore underneath. However, even that wasn't enough freedom for his stifled and over cooked skin. With the same furious zeal, Alistair pulled off the fabric garments until he was as naked as the day the Maker created him.

Standing there amongst the trees, Alistair felt the first cool draft of air slip over his skin. And it felt _wonderful_. As if the wind were a light, cooling caress that stole away the very last bits of heated anger as it gusted over his skin. In a strange way, being free from all of his cumbersome armor and clothing eased his tormented mind and soul as much as it did his overheated and weary body. Taking in a deep breath of fresh air, Alistair reveled in the experience he felt. So different from the choking insanity of anger and resentment, that an expected bubbling chuckle rose up from within him. The chuckling then morphed into a deeper laugh, until Alistair was all but rolling on the ground as he laughed heartily into the wind around him.

"Well, I'm glad to see that you're in a better mood now…"

The lilting giggles that came with the sweet voice was immediately recognizable. And under different circumstances, would be wonderfully welcomed. However, with his bare arse out in the wind and his clothing and armor thrown in various locations around him, Alistair couldn't help but curse yet another turn of ill-luck.

Alistair instinctively cupped himself, trying his best to cover what he could below his waist in both of his hands. However, when he turned towards the voice had come from, no one was there. Again came the giggling laughter, this time from another direction. Alistair turned towards the sound, however only caught a the fleeting image of red hair as it sped behind another tree. Anxiously Alistair looked on the ground from his clothing, but could only find his rather sweat drenched tunic several feet away.

"Leliana! This isn't…"*ahem*"funny!" he spat out as he reached for his tunic. However his voice betrayed him as it broke in unmanly ways when he kept trying to speak. "I mean-"*cough*"I mean it, Leliana!" he barked out in another broken statement.

Hurriedly, Alistair wrapped the tunic around his waist, trying his best to cover up the offensive bits from sight. Which wasn't working as well as he hoped, as the tunic seemed to have a mind of its own as it waved in the wind.

More giggling came from the surrounding trees, causing Alistair to curse even louder. "Did you know that when you blush, it goes all the way down your back?" Leliana's soft voice came from a cluster of trees directly in front of Alistair.

"Ha ha… very funny. Now, do see my trousers anywhere behind there? I've had enough of being traumatized today, I think. Need to save room for tomorrow, you know. Actually after this, I might be full up for the rest of the week…"

"Oh I don't know, Alistair. I think you look rather cute like this…" This time Leliana's voice came from directly behind Alistair. However before he could turn to confront her, two feminine arms eased their way around his waist from behind. With fingers splayed, the hands roamed over his chest just as he felt a warm body press against his back.

A _naked_ warm body...

Alistair shut his eyes closed tight and breathed in deeply. "Leliana, I…"

"Shh… Just breathe Alistair."

 _Easier said than done…_ Alistair mentally chided as he felt her warm flesh meld into his own.

It wasn't as if he had never _seen_ a naked woman before. At Ostagar, quarters were often cramped, and sometimes that meant that he would be present while other soldiers changed in or out of their armor for the day. And sometimes those soldiers were not always of the male variety… However, Alistair's Chantry upbringing and his own sense of respect for the women always had him quickly turning around or immediately leaving the area. At least, _almost_ immediately. Most of the time.

 _Yeah I'm a bastard..._

This was far from simply getting the occasional chance glances, however. This was _contact_. Skin to skin contact, with a woman who wasn't just another soldier in a war. It was with…

"Leliana…" he whispered huskily. With her hand splayed over his chest and her naked body pressed against his own, Alistair fought down the temptation to turn around and embrace her properly. Either that or run and hide in the bushes. Bushes sounded pretty good actually at that point.

"You don't need to turn around. You don't even have to move. I just wanted… I just…"

Alistair finally got the courage to break through the immovable stiffness of his body, and he lightly placed his hand over top of Leliana's as it rested on his chest. "I like this…" he whispered softly. Lacing his fingers with her own, they stayed just like that for short while. Simply enjoying the moment as they each took comfort from the other.

"I'm still mad at you…" Leliana said after a while. However her voice wasn't angry or even upset. In fact, she sounded as if she were trying to not smile as she spoke quietly to him.

"If this is you being mad at me… I think I can handle it…" Alistair teased with a wide grin.

"Oh? Think yourself strong enough to stand against my wrath, do you?" she chided playfully. Leliana then lightly bit his shoulder blade, not enough to cause injury, but enough to sting a tiny bit.

"Ow! What the…- Did you just- Did you just _bite_ me?" Alistair exclaimed in surprise. He tried to turn around to face her, yet Leliana moved easily with his own steps, keeping her body behind his.

"Oh I'll do more than just _bite_ you, my fair knight," she giggled as she dodged around him. With her hands on his waist, she turned when he did, making him nearly dizzy from all the turning in circles.

"Lelia-" Alistair began to say, however his foot caught in hidden vine down on the earthy ground and sent him tumbling down.

Not wanting to accidentally land on her, Alistair did one last turn to try and spare her his weight. Unfortunately it caused him to land on his stomach without being able to brace his own fall. With an pained ' _oof_ ', Alistair groaned and inwardly cursed. Lifting his head, he meant to check to see if Leliana was alright. However, his tongue suddenly caught in his mouth as he watched the red haired beauty laugh and prance quickly behind some nearby bushes.

And by the Maker, did she ever have the most delectable looking backside. Without her leathers or clothing on to shield his eyesight, Alistair got a most pleasant view of Leliana's petite and round arse just before she disappeared into the bushes beyond.

"You're going to have move faster than that if you wish to catch me, Alistair…" her soft voice teased from behind the bushes.

Alistair stood and looked around, cursing when he realized that she had taken both his trousers and tunic with her when she fled. "Leliana! Just what do you think you're up to, woman?" Alistair grumbled coarsely. "By the Maker, this isn't funny!" Alistair peered through the bushes, hoping to find her and take back his clothing. Yet there was nothing there. Off to his left came more Leliana's playfully giggling, and Alistair turned and followed the sound. Sneaking as he best he could, Alistair approached the new hiding spot. Pouncing forward, Alistair quickly leaped around the hidden corner in the brush. "Aha! Now give me-..." he exclaimed, only to stop short when he again found empty space in the shadowed area her giggles had led him too.

"Nope. Try again…" Leliana's playful voice called out to him, this time from somewhere to to his right.

"Leliana…" he warned in a deeper tone as he turned and approached the new hiding spot. "Come on woman! I'm going to find you! And when I do…" Slowly Alistair approached the thick mass of leaves and vines, his mind awash with dirty and seductive things he wished to do once he found her.

Holding his breath, Alistair leaped forward and plunged his hands into the tangle of leaves. To his surprise, his fingers found purchase around the small and delicate bones of a wrist. His smile broadening in victor, Alistair pulled back and dragged the squirming body through the vines and out into the open.

"I got you! And now for me to take what's mine!" he laughed huskily, even though the small figure writhed and twisted against his hold. However, only at the last moment did Alistair come to see what a mistake he had made. As such he wasn't prepared to be suddenly sent flying back several feet, his body hitting the ground hard and rolling several times before coming to a complete stop only when his torso crashed into the trunk of a tree.

" **You will NOT!** " boomed a feminine voice. Not even a breath later came another volley of spells, spirit energy mixed with electricity that sped through the air and lanced into Alistair's flesh. The force of the spell ripped a scream from Alistair's lips as his whole body began to convulse and twitch as he was electrocuted.

"Lanaya! No! Please!" Leliana screamed as she approached the woman. "Please stop! He didn't know it was you!" she pleaded, yet the Keeper's face remained set in a deadly grimace.

The new Keeper of the this Dalish clan had come searching for Leliana, to speak to her of the days to come and new plans that had been made. However, she wasn't prepared to be accosted and pulled roughly through the thick brush of vines and leaves by a naked human male. Perhaps if she had been someone with a more innocent past, she would have reacted differently to being handled so roughly by one such as Alistair. Yet that was not case. And judging from the deadly sneer the woman had on her face as she readied yet another painful spell told Leliana clearly that she intended to kill the one who assaulted her.

"You will not touch another one of my people, _Shemlen_! You dare take what is not offered? Then this forest shall take what you hold you dear! Your own life!" Lanaya hissed a moment before she slammed her staff down into the ground.

The forest floor suddenly came alive as ancient vines lifted and began to slither rapidly towards Alistair. Latching around each of his wrists and ankles, the vines tightened and pulled until Alistair was held aloft in the air, each limb spread wide away from the body. Again Alistair screamed out in pain, yet Lanaya seemed immune to his cries of agony.

Lanaya then approached Alistair, her cold eyes set in a deadly calm that carried the echoes of her own painful past. Through squinting eyes, Alistair managed to meet her glare with a pleading look. Through the cascading pain that tore through his body, he fought out a single word as Lanaya lifted his staff once more.

" _Please_ …" he begged, breathless and pained.

Lanaya paused for a moment, her glare of hatred vanishing and replaced with a look of sadness and true regret. "I begged them too…" she whispered softly as tears glittered unspent in her eyes. However, the crushing sadness she expressed vanish just as quickly as it had appeared. In its place was again the cold hatred and need for vengeance that burned deep within her soul. " _Never again_!" she hissed out as she brought the end of her staff down hard across Alistair's body.

" _ **Nooo!**_ " Leliana screamed as she leapt forward and placed her body between Alistair and the blow from Lanaya's staff.

A bright light flashed, illuminating the area and momentarily blinding all of three of them. When the brightness faded, Leliana found herself still clutching to Alistair's body, her arms thrown around his neck and her cheek resting on his chest over his heart beat. Opening her eyes, she ventured a brief look up only to see Lanaya's glowing staff mere inches away from her face.

" _Why_?" Lanaya croaked out, her confused voice barely above a whisper.

Leliana lifted her head up higher and saw the strain on the elven woman's face. It had clearly caused her pain to stop the spell she very nearly cast. Droplets of sweat glistened on her forehead, and all of her muscles appeared tense and locked. Her breath came heavy and quick, and it was clear the woman was struggling internally to keep the spell she had summoned at bay.

Looking back at Alistair, Leliana raised a hand and placed it against his cheek. Lanaya's earlier spell was sure to leave bruises if not tended to. His face already showed small cuts and abrasions from being blasted back and then tumbling along the ground. Dirt and small amounts of blood were smeared on his face, and his chestnut eyes could barely remain open.

"Because…" she began, gently wiping away some of the dirt that had formed on his cheekbone. Looking into his weary eyes, a small smile appeared on her lips as she took short breath for strength. "I love him…"


End file.
